I just finished a great book on evangelism called Questioning Evangelism by Randy Newman which basically calls us to use good questions to engage people in spiritual conversations. The beauty of questions is that they take the pressure off of you and help the person actually think through spiritual reality instead of politely ignoring your gospel presentation.
Another book that takes a similar approach is called Tactics by Gregory Koukl. I'm about half-way through this one and it's a pretty easy read and well-worth your time. The main tactic is called the "Columbo Tactic" which is modeled after Peter Falk's famous detective who would use strategic questions to confound and convict criminals. Two great questions to use when engaging someone who is opposed to your convictions are:
- What do you mean by that?
- How did you come to that conclusion?
When these questions are asked in a respectful way, they can really open up a discussion and help people see some of the weaknesses in their own positions. For example, here is a sample conversation for the believer who is accused of intolerance: (p. 78-79)
"You're intolerant."
"Can you tell me what you mean by that? Why would you consider me an intolerant person?"
"Well, it's clear you think you're right and everyone who disagrees with you is wrong."
"I guess I do think my views are correct. It's always possible I could be mistaken, but in this case I don't think I am. But what about you? You seem to be disagreeing with me. Do you think your own views are right?"
"Yes, I think I'm right, too. But I'm not intolerant. You are."
"That's the part that confuses me. Why is it when I think I'm right, I'm intolerant, but when you think you're right, you're just right? What am I missing?"
Even though I'm only half-way through this book, I'm going to recommend it for your consideration especially if you find yourself always on the defensive when talking about your faith with friends and family.